Comments for Bryana Williams http://bryanawilliams.edublogs.org Another excellent Edublogs.org weblog Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:34:03 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 Comment on Turn of the Century by ritajeanstangherlin http://bryanawilliams.edublogs.org/2008/12/07/technological-invention-essay/comment-page-1/#comment-7 ritajeanstangherlin Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:34:03 +0000 http://bryanawilliams.edublogs.org/?p=6#comment-7 Bryana, Your first paragraph is only 6 sentences, one of which is really a fragment (begins with which). You have no conclusion. -6 Paragraphs 2 and 3 are very good, but do not have transitions to the next paragraph. -4 Paragraph 4 has only 4 sentences. No transition. -8 Paragraph 5 has only 5 sentences and does not target the future of computers. -10 No EC Bryana,
Your first paragraph is only 6 sentences, one of which is really a fragment (begins with which). You have no conclusion. -6

Paragraphs 2 and 3 are very good, but do not have transitions to the next paragraph. -4

Paragraph 4 has only 4 sentences. No transition. -8

Paragraph 5 has only 5 sentences and does not target the future of computers. -10

No EC

]]> Comment on Hello world! by ritajeanstangherlin http://bryanawilliams.edublogs.org/2008/09/06/hello-world/comment-page-1/#comment-2 ritajeanstangherlin Fri, 07 Nov 2008 18:34:45 +0000 #comment-2 Perfect!!! Done well in every aspect. A great movie trailer for this book. Perfect!!! Done well in every aspect. A great movie trailer for this book.

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